Tag Archives: movies

A Question About “Back to the Future”

14 May

So, I’m assuming that you all have seen Back to the Future. If you haven’t, there will be some spoilers (can they really be called spoilers if the movie came out 23 years ago?).

In 1955, George McFly (Marty’s father) is tormented by Biff Tannen.

biff-tannen

In 1985, George McFly is tormented by Biff Tannen.

1985

In alternate 1985, George McFly has been murdered by Biff Tannen.

Biff1

In 2015, Marty Jr., (Marty’s son) is tormented by Griff Tannen (Biff Tannen’s grandson).

Griff's_gang1111

In 1885, Sheamus McFly, is intimidated by Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen (Biff’s Great Grandfather)

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So the question is…

Who is Marty’s version of Biff? Does he just go around with no one to torment his daily life? Perhaps Biff’s son is already older than Marty. Maybe that Tannen tormented Marty’s older brother and sister.

Or maybe it was this guy:

What are you looking at, Butthead??

What are you looking at, Butthead??

My Life is Awesomely Delusional!

2 May

I watch too many movies. Possibly, too many BAD movies and I watched them from a young age. So I’ve come to the realization that I must remind myself that my daily life is not a movie. It’s not like I go around like an honest cop with nothing to lose or a spunky investigative journalist looking for love. There are just moments where the first thought that pops into my head are movie clichés rather than real life possibilities.

At the bar:

I was at a college bar and a girl ran into me. She was cute and innocent, but not naïve. She said, “Excuse me, I’m sorry” and then walked off.  So obviously, SHE WAS A PICKPOCKET! Ah yes, rather than chat and flirt with her like a normally libido-ed man, I checked my wallet to make sure she didn’t get 33 bucks and a Chili’s gift card with $7.64 left on it. What college girl learns to pick pockets?

This Girl!

This Girl!

I felt for my wallet, found it, then looked back at her walking away and thought, “What’s your game? What are you really after?” It was like the hot female version of Oliver and I was the mark. But what if she were Catwoman and instead of taking something, she was planting something so she could seduce me and take it back later? Sadly, she’d probably just take me into an alley with promises of fellating me and instead crack my head against a wall and take it back from my jacket pocket. Then she’d put my hat over my eyes and people would think I was drunk and leave me alone.

The Men’s Room:

Occasionally, I’m alone in a public bathroom. It’s really great. I can just pee and pee and there’s no one to judge me for it. When I’m done, I wash my hands (like everyone should, you gross-ass mother fuckers!!!). While rinsing, a man walks in, I glance at him through the mirror as he walks to the urinals. I finish rinsing, dry my hands and walk out. That’s it.

BUT! In my head, he turns from the urinals with a Desert Eagle and begins firing at me, but I’m too quick. I rip the towel dispenser off the wall and throw it at him. It distracts him for just long enough so I can rush him and we get into a no holds barred fight. Soon, stall doors are torn off their hinges, broken porcelain litters the floor, and pee pee water is spraying from pipes ripped from the walls. Then I’d give him a swirly in a toilet bowl and say something like “You’re Number 2.”

Who does #2 work for??

Who does #2 work for??

Examples of what my bathroom trips are like:

True LiesCasino RoyaleEastern PromisesHarry Potter

Walking down a dark street:

Sometimes in L.A. it’s night. No, it’s not all sunshine and milkshakes with strippers like you see on TV.

And when it’s night, I become the night!

Perhaps I’m leaving a bar and heading to my car. There I am walking down a dark residential street. The moon shines through the branches of the trees. The sound of my shoes clack on the sidewalk. But what is that? A second set of footsteps! I take an unnecessary left turn at the next street. Hide just around the corner. Nothing.

No, really nothing. There was no person. It was probably an echo or a branch or…something. So I walk back to the street I unnecessarily turned on and walk another block to my car.

But what it would have been like was The Departed! Weaving and ducking between buildings! Who’s following who? And what danger is behind that dumpster? Since I don’t know, I pretend I’m a spy. I duck behind trees and hide in the shadows. It gets awkward when others aren’t in on it.

Fuck You random guy and your tiny dog!

Fuck you random guy and your tiny dog!